Dear Zindagi was a movie goldmine when it comes to life advice. The best movie to re-watch if you’re feeling lost and gloomy, it’s full of things to remember to keep your sanity and take care of your sanity.
Now that the film is five years out, we are once again encountering these lessons, especially considering that many of us have had to grapple with a lot of grief over the past two years.
1. Remember that your brain needs as much TLC as any other organ in your body
The past two years have been so stressful, with our health, economic stability and the safety of our loved ones at risk, that we have been unable to think about our mental health. We tell ourselves it’s just in our heads and it doesn’t matter. But just because something is in our heads doesn’t mean it isn’t real. Our brain is the main organ of our body, without which nothing else can work.
So it is important to remember that the health of our mind matters. Shah Rukh’s line from the film sums it up best:Yahaan par abhi bhi, still, log ye samajhte hain ki dimaag ki problem hona bohot sharm ki bat hai. Body ki problem, Hi normal Hi. You know, jo ki sabko bata sakte hain: ‘Hi guys, I’m in the hospital. mujhe kidney failure hi yes lung infection, jaundice. Lekin agar dimaag ki problem ho, toh saari ki saari family ekdum quiet. Jaise Dimaag Humari body ka hissa hi nahi hai.”
2. Break the pattern
We’re all stuck in a rut because many of the things we used to do for fun for the past two years weren’t an option. So we woke up every day doing the same thing in the same room, day after day. The lack of a positive change of scenery affected all of us. That’s why it’s important to remember that scene from Dear Zindagi when Kaira and Dr. Jehangir go cycling for a change, simply because it is important to break the monotony.
It shows how when we are low and unhappy with life we need to change what we are doing to end a situation that does not serve us well. As Jehangir says: “Albert Einstein” ne kaha tha pagal who hota hai jo roz-roz the same kaam karta hai, magar chahta hai ki nateeja alag ho.”
3. Trial and error in love is necessary to find the right one
We often beat ourselves up after a relationship ends and think, ‘Why can’t I find the right person? Why do I have to go through so many failed relationships? Why doesn’t it work with that one partner I thought I was going to get?” The fact is, we have to kiss some frogs before we can find our prince or princess. If we don’t have relationships with different people, how can we know what kind of partner makes us happy?
Here’s how Dr Jehangir explains it’s nothing but trial and error:
“Kya tumne kursi khareedi hai? kya tumne dukaan mein jaate hi pehli kursi pasand kar li aur khareed li? Ek kursi khareedne se pehle, hum kitni saari kursiyan dekhte hain, kitni saari kursiyan to attempt karte hain. And yes, some Class are comfortable but look like shit. Others look nice but are hard on the ass.
So the process begins, chair after chair after chair-How much Class we check out before we find Which An chair. So my point is, I cursi To elect karne se pehle, agar hum itni saari kursiyan dekhte hain, toh ek choose life partner karne se pehle, humein options nahi dekhne chahiye kya?”
4. There are many loves in one’s life, not just one perfect, great love
We put a lot of pressure on our romantic relationships by expecting one person to be everything to us. We expect that person to take care of all of our needs when that is not humanly possible. Such thinking not only does a disservice to all other kinds of love in our lives, such as friendship, parental love, or just platonic love over shared interests, but it also burdens a relationship with unrealistic demands.
dr. Jehangir spoke about the importance of appreciating and enjoying all the different kinds of love that come our way, and enjoying it, instead of looking for one all-rounder of a person in our partner: “Why just that special one? rista? zindagi mein kai special rishte hote hain, alag-alag ehsason ke liye, alag-alag special rose. Like a special musical rishta with someone your humara musical taste bilkul part karta ho. Or the special ‘lets-get-coffee-together’ rishta-perfect for drinking coffee, but nothing else.
And, special gossip rishta. Or the special intellectual rishta, for all those who are perfect kitabon wali discussions. So many different specials recently. Yes romantic wala rishta in mein se sirf ek hai. Sab rishton ke ehsason ke zimmedari, thou bojh kisi ek rishte pe daalna, a bit unfair no?”
5. Not everything worthwhile has to be a painful or difficult route
Struggle is really romanticized in our society, where we think we have to go through hardship to earn something worthwhile, as if the pain is an exchange, a payment for happiness. This way of thinking just puts us through too much mental trauma and ruins our lives.
Dr Jehangir tells Kaira a story to illustrate this. “Pyarelal Jic ke zindagi ka sabse bada khwaab tha mushkil se mushkil pahad chadhna, Mount Everest straight. Toh aakhir ek din, Mount Everest chadhne ka mauka mil hello gaya. pyarelal ji na socha na samjha na tayyari ki, jhat se nikal pade.
chadhai ka group dheere dheere dheere pahad by chadhne laga, lekin Pyarelal Jic, full josh mein sabse aage nikal gaye. achanak Pyarelal Jic ke saamne ek ghoorta ghurrata snow leopard aa gaya. snow leopard bechare Pyarelal Jic ko kha gaya.”
He then explained what this story represents:kabhi kabhi hum mushkil rasta sirf isliye chunte hain, kyunki humein lagta hai important cheezein paane ke liye humein mushkil raasta apnana chahiye. Apne monkey ko to punish karna bohot zaroori samajhte hain. But why? Aasaan raasta kyun nahi chun sakte? What is burai hai usme? Bekaar ke pahad kyun chadhe?”
Aren’t these golden lessons to remember? Here are some more mental health movies you can watch as well.
Main image credit: Red Chillies Entertainment